Creating Soulful Homes While “Downshifting”
In an age of
disturbing excess, my husband and I began a process of simplifying and “downshifting” (1) several
years ago that has proven to be one of the most joyful times in our lives. We could both afford to live
in a larger, intended-to-impress house. We, in fact, did exactly that in our past marriages.
But we happily choose to live in the first cabin built on the Bret Harte ridge in San Rafael, California in 1914.
Located on a steep hillside, it is surrounded by ancient trees and has a humbling view of Mt. Tamalpais.
|Magenta sunrise from our deck
This mountain is still a very sacred place for the Miwok Indians who
used to inhabit the area. For all of us, it is a daily source of beauty and inspiration. We
recently added a small apartment with a deck separate from the main house. Small free-form
paths connect the two buildings, other decks and a stone patio, engendering the feeling of a small village, said a Dutch guest one
summer. There are varied destinations on the land, most with views of the mountain, where people can go
to be alone and quietly reflect, or be with others.
We did not want a house that spoke of grandeur, pretension, expensive
displays, elitism, clutter, or waste.
"You can change your life by changing
your relationship to the 'stuff' that possesses you." (2)
We wanted to create a home that is a warm, soulful sanctuary full of original art, bookcases bursting
with colorful spines, fires glowing in a small stone hearth, wonderfully changing natural light—and
at the space’s core, time spent together.
|Original 1914 fireplace
“In places and people, we seek the elusive feeling of
being welcomed. We want our homes and apartments to be warm and nurturing and beautiful, but they are sometimes
territories of chaos and confusion. Yet, the haven the soul seeks is close at hand, within the stove and
the cupboard, on the bookshelf, and in the closet. With the eyes to see it, and the hands to create it,
we can recover the home that the soul desires.” (3A)
Architect Anthony Lawlor gives a myriad of wonderful suggestions
in his book A Home for the Soul. Among his themes is one that espouses the importance of combining
“the elemental forces of fire, water, and earth in a setting that allows us to reconnect with the elusive energies
that ignite, nurture, and transform life.” (3B)
of Lawlor’s themes that was the most transformational for me personally has to do with the act of cleaning and maintaining
”The word cleaning conveys [a]
spiritual connotation. The roots of the word clean suggest the purity conferred by a ceremonial anointing
with oil. Cleaning in this sense bestows a blessing on the house or apartment. It makes
whole the life of the house. Another essential component of the spiritual practice is discernment, separating
those things that honor the soul from those that do not. Cleaning is the act of discerning what will benefit
our homes and removing what will not. Accumulating unnecessary and unused objects is a negative side effect
in a consumer society…Cleaning allows is to discern those objects that enhance the flow of soul in the home from those
that stifle that flow. It can provide an avenue for passing on unused items to those who could gain pleasure
from them.” (3C)
For me, viewing the cleaning
of our home in this meditational and soulful way has transformed my entire experience of what used to be often a banal, resented
chore. Once again, a paradigm shift in thought enhances my overall life.
Duane Elgin, The Promise Ahead, New York: HarperCollins Publishers, 2000, page 82.
(2) Kaja Perina, Psychology
Today, January/ February 2007 issue, page 33.
(3A & 3B & 3C) Anthony
Lawlor, A Home for the Soul, New York: Clarkson Potter/Publishers, 1997, introduction & page 46 & page 38.
NOTE: Text for this left
column is excerpted from the book: "Inspirations for Thriving in Our Troubled World." See the Products
page of this website for more information.
"Thank you for your great site. What a beautiful creation.
I am grateful to know about it."
— Nancy W., San Rafael, CA
DID YOU KNOW?
* There is a free Internet radio service empowering listeners to create
"stations" that play only your favorite genres of music to set the mood you want in your home: www.pandora.com.
You have the power to thumbs
up or thumbs down songs so that Pandora's recommendation engine can refine the playlist to better satisfy you. Plus,
it exposes you to new music of similar syncopation, vocal style, rhythm, and meter. The result is a multigenerational
and international experience that connects musical styles — and
people — in fresh and exciting ways.
* There are 8 compelling — and sanctuary-creating
— reasons to banish the TV from
your bedroom: http://www.simplemarriage.net/8-simple-reasons-to-move-the-tv-out-of-the-bedroom.html
* "The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are..."
— Maya Angelou
"When we have the security of home and when we create long-term, soul-sustaining links to the natural world and to community,
then we can know we are where we belong." — Sarah van Gelder, YES! Magazine, Summer 2012
Meaning of Home & Family Culture
A safe and fundamentally positive place where…
We feel seen and heard
* We can be accepted and celebrated for our fullest selves
* Truth and honesty triumph over secrecy
* We are truly respected by our loved
ones and respectful to them
* The art of thoughtfulness is organic and reciprocal
* There is a genuine balance of power
* Everyone makes
a positive contribution
* Everyone’s hearts and minds are open to dialogue, collaboration,
and new ideas
* Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling, and entitlement are
left at the door
* No one is unjustly vilified or scapegoated
* No one is ignored, neglected,
blunted, or taken for granted
* All family members are valued for their uniqueness
* "Equal treatment" elevates to "Fair treatment"
which more effectively takes into account each individual's unique attributes and actions
* Like within any healthy community,
each family member needs to demonstrate character in the form of trustworthiness, respect, responsibility, fairness, caring,
* Anyone who is persistently negative, disruptive, and uncommitted to the
peace and harmony of the home will be asked to leave for the sake of the rest of the family
* Every individual honors and sustains the reality of an emotionally and physically safe home
Social justice and peace have their inception in the home
"The LOVE that begins in
our hearts and homes becomes the PEACE that fills our world."
— Jeannine Roberts Royce
|Warm & rustic dining room
|The Varied Skills Needed to Create
Sustain a Family Home of Quality
For a different multidimensional perspective of all that goes into making a home with kids, click the
following link and read Salary.com's eye-opening job description.
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